Can't vs Won't

Veruca Salt: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
Mr. Salt: Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
Willy Wonka: Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
Veruca Salt: Daddy!
Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
- From Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005 version)

Spoilt movie children aside, the allure of something you cannot have is well documented. Children and teenagers in particular are well known for wanting to rebel and do those things they know they aren't allowed to do.

As we grow older, do we lose this urge? I don't think so. We may learn to control it better, we may learn to hide it more skillfully, but the draw of those things that are classed as "not allowed" is still there. There's a little Veruca Salt in everyone, waiting for the moment she is told "no"... and then she starts whispering about how it is actually what you want, how it is just fine to have what you want and hang the consequences.

Never is this more apparent than when one starts a health kick, lifestyle change or (quietly now, for this is a very dirty word) diet. All of a sudden, all of those foods that are just so delicious and were fine yesterday are taboo. The use of that one little word - can't - suddenly awakens the little Veruca Salt and gets her demanding. The cravings and feelings of deprivation can be huge! It is very common for someone to persevere, only to then cave-in at a desperate moment, and it's these moments that can cause guilt and negative feelings, making it harder to stay motivated to continue the change to a healthier lifestyle. Been there, done that.

Something I've found very interesting is that a small change in the language used and the attitude to the temptation of unhealthy food can make a huge difference to the way they are approached.

By changing the word can't into won't, it shifts the connotation of the phrase. If you think about it - what do you feel more comfortable with? "I can't have chocolate", or "I won't have chocolate". The word "can't" removes the choice from myself so the rebel kicks in. When I say "won't", I make the choice my own... which means there's no reason for Veruca to start convincing me that I should actually have it. Coupling the "won't" with the phrase "because I don't want to" then shifts the attitude. Rather than the offending food being desirable, all of a sudden it doesn't look so good any more.

Of course, if it was as simple as just saying "I won't have (insert food here)" all the time, then there'd be no issue. It doesn't always work that way... but while it won't prevent the cravings totally, I have found that it does seem to make them more controllable. I don't believe in deprivation, so I personally eat things in moderation. Nothing wrong with the odd piece of chocolate! It's just a matter of not overdoing it, and for me that's easier if I allow myself a little every now and then.

I'd be interested in hearing if this works for other people as well - the idea that just changing a little four letter word can cause such a change in the thought process is pretty cool, to me anyway.